


Afternoon Tea and A Britscuit

by aliciutza



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Modern Westeros, at least i think, enjoy all the dick jokes and do click on the gif links if they don't work lol, hi i am not sorry for this but it needed to exist, i promise the gifs make it soooo much better, just roll with it lol i always say this oh god, mentions of brexit so dont get triggered all in good fun lololol, please dont hate me, tags are where i get to express myself, this is a crackfic you have been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 11:08:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17202371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliciutza/pseuds/aliciutza
Summary: Dany accidentally eavesdrops on a conversation and finds herself attracted to one cute Northerner. Finding said Northerner and asking him out is not as easy as it seems… thank the gods she has her friends to help out with that!





	Afternoon Tea and A Britscuit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ValDeCastille](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValDeCastille/gifts), [Iane_Casey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iane_Casey/gifts), [jalen_mara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jalen_mara/gifts), [notpmaHleM](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notpmaHleM/gifts).



> This is a crack fic I wrote for my friends, for real just go with it. I swear there is a story in between all the dick jokes, somewhere. I have no further explanation to this – love you girls, you’re pretty amazing! Happy Holidays! I guess this counts as my surprise Christmas gift ! Enjoy the nonsense!
> 
> Make sure you click those gif links, I swear they make the story at least 80% better!

 

Winter Holidays in the East were very different; it wasn’t even just the lack of snow, or the fact that not everyone celebrated Christmas, because quite a large number of people did celebrate it, or just a similar Holiday, even the local authorities had decorated the streets with tinsel and twinkly lights. Dany wasn’t very into Christmas anyway, but spending a year so far from home did make her a bit nostalgic. Luckily for her, her friends took care of her holiday blues and as soon as their last exams would wrap up, they were to throw a party, complete with traditional food and beverages, from the East and the West.

 

She made her way out of her last exam of the semester, feeling free and wanting to get plastered and finally unwind. She pulled out her phone and as soon as she turned it on, notifications started pouring in. She opened the group chat and started typing:

 

 **Dany:** I AM FREEE FREEEEEEEEEE

Did anything important happen? I am so not backreading your 200+ messages :eye_roll:

 **Missy:** Biiiitch… fine fine you’re forgiven, this time…. :eye_roll:

We were just trying to decide whether to buy a tree or not because Margaery just saw one in the store; Irri is still presumably busy with her boyfriend since she hasn’t said anything for like 3 hours; Jhiqui is in and out, as her job allows her; Arya is out buying presents for her family and I am still stuck in my shift even if the café is empty … :weary face:

 **Dany:** your chat summaries are just one of the reasons Ilysm, Dei <3

Can’t type and walk, so be back in a bit. Just don’t blow up my notifications until I get back to the flat

 **Margaery:** oh shush. Now hurry home because I need you to check if we have enough flour

Meanwhile, I will be in the alcohol aisle deciding on what to get us :wink:

 **Arya:** please please please get me some _white_ wineeeeee or I’ll die if I have to drink red for the entire night :sob:

 **Margaery:** I gotchu :kiss:

 

She pocketed her phone and started walking at a brisk pace. That’s how most of her days went – uni, working in the same café as Missandei, spending her day with her roomies, and when she wasn’t home, they were always a message away. She had moved in with Missy and Irri in her first uni year. She recently befriended Margaery, who was there on an exchange programme, and the girls asked her to move in, since they all became fast friends. It was Marge that had introduced her to Arya, her boyfriend’s young sister, who had just moved in the other building of their complex, together with her brother Bran. The younger Starks, unlike the older ones, were doing their entire studies in the East.

 

She headed straight to their flat and slumped against the door, a bit exhausted and a bit hungry. She stayed for a bit longer on the floor, contemplating what to do next. Then she heard the last thing she expected in this corner of the world–

 

_“–aye, I am sure it’s the right address… Oi, I bloody know how to read directions – aye, I’m sure of it. You forwarded me the bleedin’ email, aye, then it’s your fault if I have the wrong address…”_

 

It was not strange overhearing neighbours, the walls were thin and there were many people living there, but what froze her into place was the strong Northern accent of the man just outside her door – not to mention just how sexy his voice sounded; if she wasn’t already sitting, she would have dropped on the floor at the sound of his gruff. It was silly, but her heart started beating faster in anticipation, although of what she couldn’t tell.

 

She was startled by just how close to her door his groan sounded.

 

_“…alright, I will check again.”_

 

Dany thought he sounded exasperated. She quickly pulled up the group chat on her phone.

 

 **Dany:** There's a Northerner guy talking outside the door...

WHAT IS THIS

 **Arya:** Why we playing scribbage now?

 **Missy:** :scream: HERE???

 **Margaery:** A NORTHENER? :open_mouth:

 **Missy:** OMG snatch him

 **Arya:** Fuck him

 **Missy:** Lick him

 **Dany:** hahahah u guys, stahp

 **Missy:** Lmao Arry, I was going for subtlety

 **Dany:** I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD A NORTHERNER NEIGHBOUR!

AHHHHH

Except ya know, Arry and Bran

 **Arya:** Eyes closed if he ain't good looking.

 **Missy:** Quickly go mark him as your own

 **Arya:** yeah, pee on him. Like a wolf!

 **Missy:** :rolling_on_the_floor_laughing:

 **Arya:** Ignore me. My brain is letting itself go, tired and _unwalleted_ as I am right now.

 **Dany:** hahaha I HATE YOU ARRY I NEVER SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT LOL

 **Arya:** Hahahahaha. I'm terrible.

 **Dany:** Doesn't matter

He a Northerner :rolling_on_the_floor_laughing:

bahahahaa I love how much you into this

Oh no... he's gone.

Now I have to know what flat he lives in

 **Missy:** :sob: :sob: noOoo

 **Dany:** omg omg omg

 **Missy:** come back

 **Margaery:** Go check the mail!

 **Missy:** Ruuun

 **Margaery:** You forgot something in your car

 **Dany:** Margeyyy YOU GENIUS

 

Dany got up as fast as she could and inconspicuously opened the door, but the owner of that marvellous voice was not there anymore. She looked to one side of the long hallway, then the other – still nowhere in sight. She grabbed the keys and started walking around the complex, in hopes she’d bump into him. If this wasn’t fate, then she decided that she would make her own luck. She pulled up the app again, her phone continuously buzzing.

**Missy:** Go see where he stayin

YAS

GO MARGEY

 **Margaery:** I’ve got a ton more

 **Missy:** :clap: :clap: :clap:

 **Margaery:** Thought you heard your neighbour’s cat

Forgot to turn off a sprinkler

Nosey

 **Missy:** :thinking_face: those are very good

 **Margaery:** I live to serve and matchmake from a distance – at least until I finish shopping… still half of the list to go :weary:

 **Arya:** Just go out on the lobby and shout Northern Independence :joy:

See who reacts

 **Missy:** But D – what was he doin at our door????

 **Dany:** I DONT KNOOOWWWWW

 **Dany:** You guys, I didn't catch him :cries:

but I will still look in the mail

 **Margaery:** When you go outside bemoan how much it sucks that the North is leaving the 7K and how you fear it will have a global impact, weed out the posers

 **Dany:** MARGE, BAHAHAHAA OMG

 **Margaery:** This is why I’m a writer, truly. So I can actually have characters do some of this shit, LOL

Since my friend never do as I say *cough* Dany *cough*

 **Dany:** *loves you very much* Now let me go write my ideas on Brexit. We were truly sorry they were leaving the 7K

 **Maragery:**  We’re all sorry! :heart:

 **Dany:** ok but if he lives here, I’m sure his name will stand out on the mail boxes

 **Arya:** Go to my flat and check if Bran’s home. Ask him for the Northern flag and hang it by your door.

 **Dany:** :wink:

 **Arya:** Lure him in.

 **Missy:** Neaah you have to yell _Winter is coming_ :joy:

 **Margaery:** Because who doesn’t love the Starks??

 **Missy:** Make beans tomorrow morning. Full English breakkie

He'll come immediately

 **Arya:** If he's for Brexit, cry _Bolton_ and see if that draws him out :rolling_on_the_floor_laughing:

And then slam the door on his face.

 **Missy:** No Boltons allowed!

 **Dany:** NO BOLTONS THANK U

 **Missy:** ughhh why am I still stuck in this slow af shift???

But did he ring????

Or just knock???

Was he lost???

Dis he need a cup of sugar??? :smirk:

 **Dany:** no, no, he didn't. He was like in the middle of a phone call, probably just passing by

but he stopped a little outside our door

 

She put her phone in the back pocket of her jeans, just as she opened the door to the mail room. She quickly scanned the boxes, looking for a less Eastern sounding name, or for at least a British sounding one. Maybe the guy was not from as far up North as Arya, although he somehow sounded even more Northerner than she or Bran did. So concentrated she was in her task, that she did not see him coming until she heard his annoyed voice again.

 

“Aye, I am checking it now.”

 

She could not say anything while he was on the phone, not wanting to be rude but also because he didn’t sound like he was having a pleasant conversation, so she quietly left the room and went outside to the small corner store, hoping to bump into him again on her way back. When she opened the chat again, the notifications kept piling up.

 

 **Margaery:** :scream: I may be totally biased, but Northern accents = ACTUAL SEX

And every damn Westerner will agree with me, even the uptight ones

 **Missy:** who is gonna be the first to get home because Dany is so not gonna pursue him :eye_roll:

Margy – it may all come down to you

where is Irri when you need her? *summoning Irri*

 **Arya:** sucking face with her boyfriend… :smirk:

 **Missy:** *starts singing I’m a genie in a bottle baby*

 **Arya:** Gotta rub ya the right way?

<https://tenor.com/t7tc.gif>

**Margaery:** If you wanna be with her, then yes

 **Missy:** Welp we gonna need a board

It's been ___ minutes since this chat turned sexual

 **Arya:** I'll edit one when I get home ;)

because I love you horny sons of bitches *in Dadvos voice*

 **Missy:** awwwwwwwwwwww I miss Dadvos

:clap: :clap: yaas Arry coming through with the PS skills

 **Arya:** Which would be in about 2 hours :P

 **Dany:** YOU GUUUUYYYYYSSS

 **Arya:** Is he back???

 **Missy:** Did you find the Northerner???

Did you pee on him yet? :joy:

 **Margaery:** Dei, I thought you were supposed to be the voice of reason in our group. Stop enabling Arya’s nonsense.

 **Dany:** Voice of reason??? She told me to lick him!  

 **Missy:** even I get thirsty

 **Arya:** Err, what’s wrong with marking your territory?

 **Dany:** I saw him. I just saw him :heart_eyes: :heart_eyes: :heart_eyes: :heart_eyes: :heart_eyes:

He is a snacc

 **Arya:** Stop chatting here.

Talk to himmmm

Come back later!

Girllll

 **Missy:** A SNACC SHE SAID

 **Dany:** I think he's like 30ish or our age. But he has a beard so I can’t tell exactly

 **Arya:** Priorities

Sometimes snacc before friends

 **Missy:** OMG YES

YES. IT. IS. LAW.

D!!! Flung yourself at him

 **Arya:** We would understand.

 **Margaery:** So he's 25 with a beard – perfect!

 **Missy:** *flings D at cute British / Northerner*

 **Dany:** Hahaha I love you're that kind of friend.

 **Missy:** Haha ofc I am :kissing_closed_eyes:

 **Ar** **ya:** <https://tenor.com/RWmZ.gif>

I did not see how that gif ended before I copied and sent

I don't wanna kill you Dany

 **Missy:** Lmao that gif Arry

 **Maragery:** LOL

 **Missy:** Me, you and D

 **Arya:** Just wanna fling you at Britsnacc :smirk:

 **Missy:** Britsnacc I love it

 **Margaery:** Get a Britsnacc for when horniness attacks :drooling_face:

 **Arya:** <https://tenor.com/umMg.gif>

 

She couldn’t stop laughing – the cashier eyed her suspiciously as she picked the first thing she found next to the counter. Oh, Dany was sure she must have looked insane, with a pack of chewing gum and her phone in hand, laughing hysterically. She paid and went back to the building.

 

 **Dany:** He is not so tall but decent. He is well-built but I can’t tell if abs or no abs lolol He has a beard. Dark hair and I think blue eyes

 **Arya:** Britscuit!

 **Dany:** I think he lives in building A

 **Arya:** Is. He. Single.

We forgot to ask that question.

 **Dany:** I don't know if he's single how could I lol

And now

Listen

 **Missy:** Dang It

 **Arya:** Ask. And then pull him into your room.

 **Margaery:** Did you see a ring?

 

Maybe it was fate after all, since he was still there, bizarrely eyeing the mail boxes. As soon as he saw her, he came to open the door for her, smiling again. She wanted to say something, anything, but what? What does one say in such moments? ‘ _Hey, I just met you and I am totally in love with you and also a bit sex deprived and you look like a snacc, wanna fuck?’_ Whoa hey there, I knew you’re desperate for that D, Daenerys, but just, not … _that_ desperate. So she panicked and just grinned at him – oh she was sure she looked mental.

 

“Valar Morghulis,” he greeted, in a broken accent, and Dany’s heart did a flip, as if it were possible to crush on him even more, now he was also trying to greet her in true Braavos fashion – even if it was more of an outdated greeting.

 

She smiled, her cheeks turning red, “Valar Dohaeris,” she replied. Just as she was about to welcome him to the building, his phone rang again, so he gave her an apologetic smile and got out of the building.

 

 **Missy:** GO ASK

 **Dany:** HE OPENED THE DOOR FOR ME

 **Missy:** Is there a ring

 **Dany:** Bahaahhahaha

 **Missy:** OMG

 **Arya:** What Margey asked.

 **Margaery:** OOH A GENTLEMAN

 **Arya:** Did he follow into the room?

Why the fuck are you still in here???

 **Dany:** Cause he didn't follow me into my room smh

I didn't check if he had a ring

:sob: :sob:

 **Arya:** Kid!

Get outta here

 **Missy:** OMG GET OUT THERE

Do you need to be flung again????

 **Arya:** And get yourself a damn Britscuit

And tea. ;)

 **Dany:** I was coming in because I took Margey’s advice and after checking the mail boxes I went to the store and when he saw me come in he opened the door for me

But then he got out and he crossed the road and entered the store himself

 **Margaery:** Oh, baby!! That’s the first thing you should check for. No sleeping with the marrieds on accident please!

Save yourself a lot of stress

 **Arya:** No streetbusiness, D.

You a right proper lady.

 **Missy:** Arry, grab her ankles, and on 3 we fling her

 **Dany:** I can't believe I actually ran into him… twice lol

 **Margaery:** Did he say anything?

 **Arya:** Did he smile?

 **Dany:** He just said “Valar Morghulis”

With a cute accent

 **Arya:** Does he look like he would eat you or kill you?

Two different looks.

 **Dany:** Oh I think he could def eat me :smirk:

 **Missy:** HE SAID VALAR MORGHULIS

 **Dany:** Omg I'm still flustered

 **Missy:** :heart_eyes: I am so proud of you, bby!!!

 **Dany:** He really is cute, you guys

 **Margaery:** Good!

 **Missy:** :drooling_face:

 **Margaery:** Go splash some cold water on your face. We need you alert

 **Dany:** And like... what are the odds of a fine Northerner lad living in the same place I do :heart:

 **Missy:** :heart_eyes: it's like fate

Omg kismet

 **Dany:** We got tons of Westerosi but not Northerners. Well, except your lot, Arya.

 **Margaery:** You do have a thing for accents…

 **Arya:** what are we calling him Britsnacc or Britscuit?

Britsnacc in the sack?

Frisky Britscuit?

 **Missy:** :rolling_on_the_floor_laughing:

 **Margaery:** Britscuit for when you need to hit it

 **Arya:** Lmao. Too long, Margey!

Sex on a Britscuit?

You know I'm funnier when I'm sleepy, have 2 hrs to get home, don't have my wallet with me. And a fully charged phone.

 **Margaery:** Get it, gurl

 **Missy:** Dany gone again to check on the Britscuit? :smirk:

 **Arya:** She having A Bite of the Britscuit :smirk:

 **Dany:** hahaha I wish... but no... :disappointed: back in the flat and no signs of him. He just disappeared

 **Arya:** Dany, when I see you typing, my heart's a'crying.

 **Dany:** But I am 99% sure he lives in the other building. So close yet so far away...

 **Arya:** Go :clap: Get :clap: Yourself :clap: A :clap: Mans

As Irri would say.

 **Dany:** hahaha I WILL

 **Missy:** :open_mouth: it's like romeo and juliet

But like different buildings

 **Dany:** just one patio in the way lololol

 **Arya:** Zipline the fuck to his room. Or you know, just wait for me to get home and we gonna go look for him in my building

 **Missy:** :heart_eyes:

 **Arya:** Unless it's not facing yours xD

That's just dumb :rolling_on_the_floor_laughing:

 **Dany:** Arry, you know you can’t zip line FROM the base floor

 **Missy:** We need a _laddah_

 **Dany:** And I reckon he lives at least on the 1st floor cause he was coming down the stairs when I was checking the mail boxes

so no chance, Arry :disappointed:

 **Arya:** Well.

There is this verb called *knock*

Used in a sentence: Knock on his goddamned door, sweetheart!

 **Dany:** BUT I DONT KNOW WHICH FLAT HE LIVES IN

 **Arya:** Jk. Don't be a hoe.

Love you.

 **Dany:** *whispers* bloody hell

I would knock if I knew where :eyes:

 **Margaery:** But we can at least deduce that he knows one of our neighbours, right??

 **Missy:** Yes girl! _New_ _Dany_ _who dis_ (lmao sorry I got distracted we actually had a client in)

 **Margaery:** Time for you to get to know our neighbours, methinks!

 **Dany:** I don't know. It appeared he was on the phone with someone. Not talking to a neighbour. It seemed like he was looking for a specific flat? Maybe he is visiting someone.

 **Margaery:** Ahhh

 **Missy:** Listen :clap: to :clap: Margey :clap:

 **Margaery:** Just in general

 **Dany:** *sighs*

I guess I'll just wait

see if I run into him again

 **Arya:** You can go like,

LOOKING FOR A BRITSCUIT AGAINST BREXIT

<https://tenor.com/H0mR.gif>

**D** **any:** lolol

 **Missy:** and the pining commences *rubs hands together*

 **Arya:** You say, baby, I'm here!

 **Missy:** :smirk: :smirk:

 **Dany:** BAHAHAHAHAHA

NOOOO

I WOULDNT SAY THAT

 **Missy:** By his accent, he would be none the wiser

I bet he'd love it :smirk:

 **Arya:** Lmaoooooo. Print out pieces of paper with ‘Hey baby’ and slip one under each door. See how many calls you get.

Margaery: Sorry — “Hey, love” :smirk:

 **Arya:** ^ in Northern accent

Hahahahahah

 **Missy:** Wow Arry has a lot of ideas

 **Margaery:** new plan – we get a dog and you “lose” it and go out calling for him

 **Missy:** :rolling_on_the_floor_laughing: or just steal one from the next door neighbour

 **Margaery:** Dei and I have already got you covered

 **Dany:** Marge, you seriously think of every possibility

IMMA FIND HIM

 **Arya:** mystery thickens like the Brtiscuit’s D

 **Dany:** It's my new end of the year resolution

 **Margaery:** Go to him! Let your heart lead you! By the time I get home, I wanna see you two together so I can meet him

 **Dany:** I bet he is the only Northerner around, can't be that hard

 **Missy:** :clap: great resolution for the end of the year

 **Margaery:** And if at any point your heart tells you he’s weird, also listen and gtfo

 **Arya:** Yup. Run.

But not too obviously, because he might go weird and come after you.

 **Margaery:** The joys of womanhood

 **Missy:** Yeah like you just gotta go take a stroll in the buildings

Keep your ears perked

Boom

 **Dany:** Exactly

 **Margaery:** You can also take a call outside

 **Missy:** He'll probably watch the Direwolves on the telly

 **Margaery:** Hear hear

 **Dany:** BUT HE IS IN THE OTHER BUILDING

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LISTEN SO FAR AWAY

 **Missy:** Smh go to the other building

Do I have to spell it out

 **Margaery:** just say my cell phone doesn’t have signal indoors! Oops

 **Dany:** HAHAHA ok Im a fool

 **Arya:** Y u no have signal?

 **Margaery:** I was suggesting another excuse for D to go outside

 **Dany:** Yeah, thanks, Margy. I think I'll give it a try.

 **Arya:** Go get that Afternoon Tea and Britscuit

 **Missy:** :rolling_on_the_floor_laughing: :hot_pepper: :sweat_drops: :cucumber: :eggplant:

 **Arya:** Why the fuck is there sliced cucumber????!

 **Missy:** Is no sliced

Bish where is sliced

My phone has a fully erect cucumber

Un-sliced

 **Margaery:** That’s what the egg plant is for

 **Missy:** WTF

 **Arya:** Ugh fine. Maybe it’s because Dany loves Britsnacc’s cucumber too much

 **Margaery:** Does it just mean circumcised then?

And the eggplant is uncircumcised?

 **Arya:** :large_blue_circle: :eggplant: :large_blue_circle:

 **Missy:** But a cucumber is longer than an aubergine

 **Arya:** You should see the eggplants in Myr

They're actually scary.

 **Missy:** :rolling_on_the_floor_laughing:

What are you doing measuring eggplants

 **Dany:** I don't even know what an eggplant is

 **Arya:** :straight_ruler: :eggplant:

 **Missy:** It’s an aubergine

 **Dany:** That's an eggplant?

Ohhhhh

 **Arya:** This is how you wash it

<https://tenor.com/Zxtd.gif>

**Missy:** Wtf is that gif Arya

 **Margaery:** Someone is washing a dildo

 **Dany:** You know what else we have here?

Lots of :hot_pepper:. Imma go get this Britscuit

 **Margaery:** YAY!!!

 **Missy:** :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

 **Margaery:** Take condoms! :wink:

 **Dany:** hahahaha of course

 **Missy:** :heart: safety first

Make him talk a lot

Like a lot lot

Husky sex voice

 **Dany:** Ohhh definitely

I’m not missing out on that accent

 **Arya:** Here we go:

<https://tenor.com/Hzk1.gif>

**Jhiqui:** What...... conversation am I walking into? :joy:

 **Margaery:** Omg Arya, I choked I laughed so hard

 **Dany:** He sounded like you and Bran, Arya. Maybe he was from Winterfell :heart:

 **Missy:** Jfc Arya these gifs

AH FUCK YEAH WINTERFELL

 **Margaery:** Jhiqui, basically we are coaching Dany to true love. Via Northern Independence and condoms

 **Dany:** And you are the best because of that. LOVE YOU ALL

 **Missy:** Gurl you've struck gold :smirk:

 **Jhiqui** **:** Oh... I have no input for true love lol

 **Dany:** A Brit / Northerner lives where I do, Jhiqui.

And imma get him

lololol

 **Missy:** :clap: :clap: that's the attitude

 **Margaery:** It’s basically lust at first sight at the moment. You’re ok

 **Dany:** Or at least... that's the plan

 **Jhiqui:** Yay! Get him!

 **Margaery:** See? On board already

 **Missy:** Just make sure your panties are secured

Because as soon as he starts talking to you

They'll hit the floor

 **Dany:** My knickers are always secure

 **Margaery:** Excellent

 **Dany:** I mean he said “Valar Morghulis” and they held on

 **Margaery:** How’s the bra stitch? Is it cute? I can give you some of mine!

 **Dany:** I can take a little bit more

It is. I just bought a cute one yesterday actually

 **Missy:** :heart_eyes:

See

KISMET

 **Margaery:** The Maiden is smiling on you

 **Arya:** *helps Dany*

<https://tenor.com/YboA.gif>

**Dany:** LMAO ARRY

I wonder what's his name... BAHAHAHA

I'll start playing music you gifted me, Arya. And see if that brings him around lol

 **Arya:** oh no what if he’s a fuckboi?

You know how life gives you lemons and squirts it in your eye?

JK!!!

Now hound him!

 **Dany:** YOU THE WORST, ARRY

 **Missy:** I gotchu

Ugh tbh even if he's a fuckboi

Shag him :eyes: unless he's married

 **Arya:** Or engaged.

 **Dany:** I will only shag him if he's single.

That's a fact.

Dei yesterday: _go find yourself an older man,_ _D_

Today: FOUND HIM

bahahahaha

 **Missy:** :joy:

_KISMET_

*KISMET*

 **Arya:** Your Valyrian-speaking Biscocho

 **Missy:** I am so glad I am missing work for this

 **Dany:** VALYRIAN-SPEAKING BIZCOCHOOOOO

LMAO

I CAN'T

 **Arya:** Valyrian-Speaking Galleta?

 **Missy:** :eyes: :eyes: galleta

 **Dany:** BISCOCHO is better lolol

 **Arya:** Biscocho Amor?

 **Missy:** I love that Arry!!

What a wedding story would this make

No ugly dresses pls

 **Arya:** Our eyes met. And he became my biscocho bae.

 **Missy:** I will read this chat history at your wedding

Biscocho bae

I am dying!!!!!

 **Arya:** Better! Our eyes met. He said, “Valar Morghulis” and he had me at his accent.

 **Dany:** My biscocho bae, Imma call him like that forever

 **Arya:** Short for it is: BB

 **Dany:** BB!!!

*loves it*

 **Arya:** Lmao, anything works now tho:

British Biscocho

British Biscuit

British Bae

Biscotto Bae

Biscocho Bae

Lmao.

I'm a genius.

 **Missy:** :clap: :clap: :clap:

 **Dany:** YA ARE

 **Margaery:** LOL

Ok I have everything on my list! Gonna put my phone down now, see you at the flat in a bit!

 **Missy:** yeah some more people just came in now so I gotta brb too, see you later!! :kiss:

 **Arya:** Where did Dany goooo

separation anxiety strikes

Girl you better be looking to get yerself a Britscuit if ya leaving us.

 **Dany:** No :sob:

Ok see you all when you get home gonna charge my phone

 

She stripped and hopped in the shower, hoping the water will calm her some, despite still feeling foolish for getting so worked up over a minor crush. For all she knew, the lad was just visiting and she would never see him again. She had never thought herself as a romantic, yet here she was, getting all hot and bothered over some hot dude with a panties-dropping accent. She berated herself, crushes were a dangerous thing – she had been there before. So she finished her shower, changed and started cleaning for the party, until Margaery arrived and they could start cooking.

 

She couldn’t have been cleaning for more than fifteen minutes, when her front door flung open.

 

Arya was panting, “Oh thank the gods you’re still here,” she held her hand up.

 

“Um… where else would I be?”

 

“Nowhere, I don’t know. I got here as fast as I could.” She inhaled deeply, and came to rest her hands on her shoulders, “I can’t let you do this alone. Listen, I love you so much and I know we’ve only known each other for like two months, but you need to let loose a bit.” She wanted to protest, but Arya put her right hand on her mouth, “And Margey agreed. No ‘buts’, because Dei was the one to suggest it,” she chuckled.

 

Dany sighed, “Fine, but only because I actually think he is hot as hell and it’s been a while for me,” she blushed.

 

“Nope nope nope, don’t need to know that. I am just here to offer my assistance as wingwoman.” Arya looked her over, then decided to put her plan in motion, “Since you already look cute as always, we can just go to my place, and we’ll see if we bump into him, if not, we can just start snooping around my building, like how hard can it be to find a hot dude in this complex?”

 

She didn’t have much time to think it over, and if she was being honest, she was enjoying just going with the flow for once, before Arya took her hand and made for the door. They walked briskly, and Arya was being quiet, gods knew what she was planning. Next thing she knew, they were in front of Arya’s flat and she was rummaging through her sports bag for the keys.  

 

“Finally,” she exclaimed. “Now, are you sure he was looking at the mail boxes, because-”

 

She opened the door and stopped speaking. She followed Arya’s gaze only to be met by… the Britscuit! _No way…_ She didn’t even get the opportunity to say anything, because Arya threw herself in his arms, and he gladly lifted her in a tight embrace.

 

“Merry Christmas, Arya!”

 

She heard Arya mumbling something against his shoulder, small sobs escaping her. The more she watched the scene, the more she saw it – the resemblance between the too, their hair, their eyes, their smiles and even their voices. This was Arya’s _other_ big brother, the one who was a military commander, the one she rarely saw. They finally pulled away to properly look at each other.

 

“Oh,” Arya suddenly turned to her, eyes puffy and big smile on her face, “this is my friend, Dany,” she motioned to her and let go of Jon so he could properly introduce himself.

 

She offered him her hand and he softly shook it, while looking her in the eyes, “Jon, pleased to meet you.”

 

“Dany, likewise,” she mumbled.

 

Jon turned to his sister, “so where’s Bran?”

 

“He’s still at school, he’ll be home in a few hours,” Arya explained. “Ummm do you wanna take a shower or something?”

 

“That would be great, actually.”

 

So Arya pushed her brother in her bathroom with a few towels and let him be for the moment. “What,” she finally stopped in front of her, brows furrowed.

 

“So… remember the Britscuit?” Dany tried explaining.

 

“Yeah, let’s go get him while Jon is in the shower.”

 

“That’s just it, no need to look for him anymore…” Dany trailed off.

 

Arya stared at her and then, she actually saw the moment it hit her, “NO FUCKING WAY MY BROTHER IS THE BRITSCUIT?” she yelled.

 

“Shhhhhh,” Dany covered Arya’s mouth with her hands.

 

“My brother. Jon. Britscuit. Biscocho Bae. BB. THIS IS EVERYTHING,” she screamed, pulling Dany’s hands into hers. “This worked out perfectly! Can you imagine your wedding and your babies, what are the chances?”

 

“Hold your horses, Arry! I don’t even know if he likes me.”

 

“Ha! Like there is anything not to like! And you’re already crushing on him so hard! This is perfect, D!”

 

Dany groaned and slumped on the couch. “I don’t know about that, he didn’t even remember me from earlier.”

 

“You don’t know that. Hold on,” Arya turned to the table, took something from the fruit bowl and went to the door, “Good luck!” The lock clicked behind her.

 

“Arya! You did not just lock me on the inside!” she yelled, pulling on the door to no avail.

 

“Seriously, talk to him, I think he is actually even shyer than you are, if that’s possible. Make me proud, I will go check on Margey and come back in a bit,” and she left.

 

She banged her head on the door once.

 

“What was that about?” Jon suddenly appeared behind her, obviously still fully dressed.

 

She inhaled deeply and turned to face him. “Umm… Arya accidentally locked us in, she went to get help,” she lied.

 

“And this has nothing to do with me bumping into you twice earlier today?” he smirked.

 

“Oh Gods…” she covered her face.

 

Jon chuckled, “These are some _very_ thin walls…” He pried her hands off her face, “Listen, I am very flattered. To be fair, I would have totally tried to ask you out had I not been arguing with Robb on the phone. Besides,” he pushed her chin up so she looked at him, “I have been hearing about you for months from everyone. Glad to finally meet you in person, Daenerys.”

 

‘Swoon’ did not even begin to describe how she felt in that moment; so she smiled, and got closer to him, “Maybe my friend was right.”

 

His right eyebrow quirked up, “How’s so?” he asked, inching closer.

 

“It is kismet,” so she kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> Eyyyy a month later, but when I promise a crack fic, I deliver a crack fic. Hope you had as much fun reading as I had writing it! Drop a comment, lemme know ;)


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